Christmas Shopping and The ACT Test

Just days before December 25th my wife drug me out of the house to finish our Christmas shopping. Actually, it was the beginning of my shopping but who’s counting? Our plan was the head to the mall, make our list, then divide and conquer. The main item on my list was something for Jenny. She wanted clothes from the Buckle. I explained (as I do every year) that I’m not good at picking out women’s clothes unless she wanting something in camouflage. She explained (as she does every year) that she wants the gift to come from me personally and its really the thought that counts. That, and the store’s exchange policy.

So I trudged into the Buckle feeling very uncomfortable and very out of place. Jen said all I had to do was look at the outfits they’d already put together, find one I liked, and tell the salesperson. Sounds simple. What she didn’t tell me was that there were probably 75-100 outfits to choose from and the salespeople (with their fohawks and trendy sweaters) didn’t seem interested in helping someone who was obviously out of his element. So I was on my own.

Little beads of sweat started to form. I felt a wave of nausea. I slowly started browsing, pretending to know what I was doing. I spotted a sweater matched with a t-shirt and started digging through the racks. Another thing Jenny failed to tell me is that the Buckle doesn’t put any of their clothes in the obvious places. The sweaters and t-shirts weren’t underneath the outfit in neat little piles (like they should be), instead they everywhere or nowhere. Apparently they want you to search for the clothes. I guess hoping you come across other things you’ll want to buy or maybe the salespeople just like to torture poor unsuspecting husbands. At any rate, I never found the sweater. I did find the t-shirt, but they wanted $65 for it so I put it back. Although I did consider buying one as a investment for the kid’s college.

After an hour of intense frustration and deliberation, I started to feel the heat. I had nothing and the clock was ticking. Christmas was almost here and this was my last opportunity to shop. I started debating whether to buy something (anything) and just let her return it or to go the easy (unthoughtful) gift card route. I did neither. Instead I called Jenny and said “Would you just please come down here and pick something out!?” She did. And I paid for it and wrapped it up for Christmas.

On the way home I was mentally exhausted. Jenny couldn’t understand why. It was just a little shopping. What’s the big deal? So I searched for some type of analogy to explain to my feelings about the experience when I came up with this…”It’s like going into a classroom to take the ACT test and you don’t recognize any of the questions. And no matter how many times you read them, they are still completely unfamiliar. So you sit frozen to your seat. Hopelessly lost. You chew on your pencil. You worry. You sweat. You panic. The blank answer form stares at you. It taunts you. It reminds you of the impending doom. The clock is ticking and you have nothing. No answers. No solutions. Nothing to show for all the time you’ve spent in the classroom fretting over this maddening test.” That feeling. That’s what I felt like standing in the Buckle trying to pick out women’s clothes.

She started laughing and said “You ought to put that on your blog.” And so I did. Have a happy New Year!